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Posted by on Dec 4, 2013 in Commitment, Connection, Distractions, Dreams, Lessons, Love, Monogamy, Open Relationships | 0 comments

Addicted to Infinite Love

Addicted to Infinite Love

Seeking “the one” can be addictive.

I had powerful dreams last night that led me to realize I am not attracted to people because I want to merely have sex with them; I’m attracted to people because I want to wonder if they have the capacity to be my dream partner.

But here’s the thing:

I’ve already found my dream partner.

Regardless, polyamory is a hot topic—one many of my friends are discussing and exploring.

Needless to say, we’re human, and in that we find ourselves attracted to others. Even when deeply in love, we can appreciate beauty. Sometimes appreciation can transform into lust. But the choice to lust for a moment or a month will determine how it affects one’s partnership.

Personally, I’ve only lusted once while in my current romantic relationship, fairly recently actually. The lust took hold and it lasted four or five days. It was powerful. Like a drug. I felt out of control. But with a more thorough peek behind the curtain I was reminded that my lust target was also human—not this divine being my fantasy had made him out to be. The following afternoon my partner and I had a ceremony during which I fell head-over-heels in love with him all over again. This immediately sobered me to my incredible reality and jarred me back into appreciation for my beyond amazing relationship.

All this being said, I still dream …

About other people.

My psyche is trying to figure some shit out.

And last night, it totally did.

In my dream, after hurting a few people by opening my relationship to have a love affair with another, a random girl in the dream told me I wanted to hurt. She said I am creating drama in my romantic life because I want pain.

Of course this makes sense. Why else would we CHOOSE to create drama in our relationships? We humans crave excitement. We yearn for lust. We are addicted to “falling in love” (a.k.a. Phenylethylamine). But none of that is lasting, deep, or actually based in the desire to cultivate a true, long-term partnership.

When I awoke I continued to lay for a few minutes, digesting the message I received. Suddenly, like a lightening bolt, it hit me that when I lust it’s not for quick, animalistic sex like I thought it was. I lust for the chemistry. Perhaps more specifically, I lust for the chemistry of falling in love. And when the chemistry of falling in love presents itself in one’s life, usually the mind naturally begins to inquire, “is this person ‘the one’?”

It’s a perfectly harmonious storm.

  1. Attraction ignites;
  2. PEA starts flowing;
  3. Chemical-induced swoon dominates logic and heartfelt emotion;
  4. The mind joins the ensemble with a commitment-questioning chorus;
  5. The mind, body, and now spirit are blasted with a symphonic array of disorienting chemicals, mind-chatter, doubt, and lust that leads a human to reject life as it is and launch toward this fantasy-based potential love hoping against hope these feelings will last a lifetime.

This whole dance is addictive. Chemically addictive.

Why do people relationship hop? Why are people questioning monogamy and exploring polyamory? Why is the divorce rate so high? Sure, there are other elements to a faltering relationship, but to feel attractive, appreciated, honored, and wanted is undeniably an aphrodisiac.

And since the love chemicals change with longevity of relationship, the early dance of constant adoration and magnetic engagement is difficult to maintain.

I’ve found my one.

Now I get to make a choice.

Do I allow new, more subtle chemicals to flow in our love relationship, put in effort to keep our magnetism alive, and reap the rewards of an everlasting, ever-deepening romantic relationship?

Or do I continually chase a fantasy, fooling myself time and again, all for the high that comes from the emotional roller coaster of new-love’s addictive chemicals?

Of course, for me, the choice is obvious. And for you, it may be different. One is not “right” and the other “wrong.” They are just different life-paths.

I’ve spent most of my life valuing quick and easy; great sex and broken hearts.

Now, my subconscious has been urging me to look at whether or not those values will serve me from hereon out.

Finally, I feel that I’ve received the message.

Finally, I feel I am ready to fully let go of infinite possibility in the realm of romantic partners, and rise into infinite possibility in the heart of my romantic relationship.






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