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Posted by on Aug 6, 2013 in Attachment, Commitment, Lessons, Life, Love, Monogamy, Open Relationships | 0 comments

Day 342- Throw My Hands Up In The Air

Day 342- Throw My Hands Up In The Air

As I was re-reading a few posts from the later double-digit days in the project, I got a major slap in the face.

Up until the five-month mark, I was fully single. From that single perspective, my world was an ever-expanding opportunity for self-discovery and ultimate bliss.

I was open to connecting with others unconditionally.

I could see where I had been and where I wanted to go regarding romantic relationships, self, and Universal Love.

My writings from those first few months are beautiful. They are exploratory, risky, and filled with gratitude and sentiments of Oneness.

But as we all know, I’ve reentered the romantic relationship which launched me on the celibacy journey during its previous hiatus. Instead of holding true to changing the way I related in romance, I dove back into a similar love as before. There are a few differences, most notably, both of us feel the desire to really learn and grow together to help make the relationship successful. But overall, we’re in a similar position as we were before we’d broken things off.

Right now, we both feel constricted.

It’s not anything either of us is doing to each other, but it’s how we perceive the other’s needs. We are projecting expectations onto each other, and we’re overly concerning ourselves with the other’s well-being.

After identifying these feelings yesterday and reviewing old blog posts which give examples of the love I wanted to manifest, and which trigger memories of me in single-mode totally blissed out, I’ve made a conscious effort to remember myself. So for the past day and a half, I’ve tuned back into my single-minded inspiration, and it feels AMAZING.

I am catching myself thinking about my partner so frequently it’s wild. And when I identify the thought, I remember to pay attention to me and my moment.

Better yet, I’m becoming the “me” I was outside of romantic relationship, but within this romantic relationship.

Gratefully, my partner and I are very much in love and there is minimal turmoil in our relationship. From this place of love, we’re spotting the first signs of co-dependence and dealing with it appropriately.

There seems to be some turbulence in my life right now, and I’m doing my best to stay on the ride.

Of course I still hold gratitude for my life situation, which is sort of like an amazing roller-coaster. So I’m guessing that means the best thing I can do right now is throw my hands up in the air and enjoy the ride.







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