Day 59- Planting the Seed for Romance
I realized today what this project is all about. (Haven’t I said that before?)
Of course, at first, I identified the project to be about love and romantic relationships—and it is, but that’s just the surface. It is an easy desire to label and goal to claim.
The path to achieving a solid romantic love relationship, however, is directly related to one’s ability and willingness to love and accept themselves.
Okay, so we pretty much all have heard that you must love yourself before you can love anyone else, or something similar to that concept. I know I wrote something about this on Night 54, and then went off about how I felt that the way I’ve been perceiving romantic relationships all of a sudden seems very limiting and narrow. I talked about other dimensions, and I’m pretty sure I didn’t relay what I was feeling very accurately.
So with my newfound discovery of the purpose of this project, I shall again attempt to talk about the limitations in the way we approach romance today, and identify the true path to sustaining a love relationship, with oneself, and everything and everyone else in the world.
Let’s begin by defining what a typical romantic relationship looks like. First let’s talk about the phases relationships go through, and then I’ll try to describe how, in a general sense, we typically see romantic relationships.
There are many different interpretations of the phases relationships move through, and if you Google it, you’ll find the numbers of phases ranging from three to nine. I’m going to label the four phases that Deepak Chopra refers to in his awesome book, The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing. So what follows is my personal interpretation of each phase, coupled with Deepak’s titles.
- Eyes lock. Hearts flutter. Eyes jut away, then flick back for a second. The connection is made. The initial phase of “Attraction” has begun.
- Then comes the fun part—”Infatuation.” PEA oozes through the brain, causing awesome feelings of euphoria and delight, making heart and loins tingle with excitement, producing future images projected into the mind’s eye of what this person may look like ten years down the road. Jk. But seriously, right? In this phase, each party puts their best foot forward, but it’s no matter, because the level smitten-ness overrides any ability to be repelled by differences.
- What Deepak dubs, “Courtship” follows suit. The couple tangos in the courtship phase, and if they dance well together, the manifestation of the initial attraction occurs. This phase of dating usually involves relating sexually, unless of course something prohibits that level of connection.
- And if it’s not just a hit and run, the relationship will reach the fourth phase—”Intimacy.” True intimacy allows each person to see the other for all they are, including the potentially previously overlooked differences. First the couple moves past the primary spiritual connection and into the physical connection, then here in this mind-driven phase, the rose-colored lenses turn clear again.
So this is one way to analyze romantic relationships—by breaking them into phases.
But above, when I said, “in the way we approach romance today,” I wasn’t just talking about the typical unfolding of romantic relationships, but also about what we have learned to expect when even just thinking about romantic relationships in general.
When we think about relationships, what comes to mind for most people revolves around the idea of two people coming together to make one—a union, really. These two people become a team, ready to move into the future together, arm in arm, wearing titles of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend,” “husband” or “wife,” or “partner,” proud and strong.
I want to challenge that way of looking at relationships, and pose the potential for another way of being in love. I’ve long been familiar with the concept of an individual being in total completeness before entering into romantic relationship.
So what exactly does that look like?
It’s actually a lot like falling in love with yourself.
No, not in a egocentric, narcissistic way.
But in a way that offers living in a state of pure love.
When living in oneness with all that is, a swelling in the heart and solar plexus occurs.
The pulse of life itself is felt as Love.
But this type of Love is sourced from within. It is then experienced through the physical senses, and beyond.
This kind of Love pours out onto and into everything.
It cannot be given or taken away, because it is simply a state of being.
On so on Night 54, when I referred to multi-dimensional love, I was trying to explain this other-worldly way of being in a state of love. This kind of love is so big, it goes beyond this realm, and it surpasses that of earthly love, which is usually laden with expectation. When I felt this the other night, all of a sudden the way I’d always perceived relationships before that moment seemed tiny and constrictive.
So I’ve experienced that big love before, but I’ve also fallen away from it when entering into romantic relationships. I’ve found from my own experience that living in that state of Universal Love is actually simpler when I am single. I am able to vibe high, and give love to all very easily. I feel such bliss and joy, it is second nature to relate with everything from a state of love. But when I entangle with a romantic relationship, I then get myself mixed up with the other person, and that is where co-dependence comes into play.
I am starting to understand why that is, and how to move into sustaining the blissful state of Universal Love, regardless of my involvement with romance.
With complete and ultimate self-acceptance, I can truly fall in love with myself. And AFTER I do, I can then invite into my life a companion who, too, is already in love with, and in acceptance of, themselves.
This project is revealing itself to be the opportunity for me to do just that.
Yesterday, and the night before, when I revealed my beliefs and publicly announced that I am a full blown conspiracy theorist, I felt sick to my stomach. I was so nervous to (for the first time ever) proclaim my stance and stick up for my convictions. I was afraid of rejection, which posed for a great opportunity to repeat the affirmation that’s carried me through the past few months: “I deeply and completely accept myself for all that I am.”
So it is through that total and complete self-acceptance that I can then love my whole self.
And it is through loving my whole self that I can then fully love another without expectations.
And it is through this project that I am being given the opportunity to express the many facets of myself, and rise to the challenge of continuing that self-acceptance in the face of disapproval or ridicule.
This project is empowering me to come out and bring to light all that makes me me.
And I recognize that it is those who resist and reject me that will be my best teachers. So …
LOVE TO ALL