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Posted by on Nov 26, 2012 in Celibacy, Change, Commitment, Connection, Lessons, Life, Love, Monogamy, Open Relationships, Presence, Spirituality | 0 comments

Day 88- Sometimes a Hot Shower is Just That

I’m sure many of us have heard the phrase, “Like attracts like.”

This is how, when I changed my mind, the Universe responded and shifted the frequency of my surrounding world to match my new outlook.

I find that again, or rather still, the Universe is at play, continuing to match my intention beat by beat.

As I open myself to the questions I’ve held for so long, I am matched with accelerated education.

It is apparent that each moment of my existence has been instrumental in laying the foundation for the information being presented to me now.

It has been through lessons of Love and Math that I am beginning to solve another question I was working with earlier in the project—can one have commitment without attachment?

Oh how liberating it is to digitally shout YES!

I’m now seeing that our typical perspective of commitment implies some level of attachment. So the discrepancy I’m seeing lies in the definition of commitment. Let’s look at Google’s definition of “commitment”:


noun /kəˈmitmənt/commitments, plural

  1. The act of committing or the state of being committed
  2. Dedication; application
    • – the company’s commitment to quality
  3. A pledge or undertaking
    • – I cannot make such a commitment at the moment
  4. An act of pledging or setting aside something
    • – there must be a major commitment of money and time
  5. An engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action
    • – business commitments
    • – young people delay major commitments including marriage and children

In romantic relationships in this culture, we use “commitment” to describe a bond or vow between two people. In broad terms, it implies restriction—not liberation.

And when pairing that word with romantic relationships, I am beginning to see the implication of fear. At first, the fear may be so potent that it stems from within. And after a person has done a lot of work on that basic fear of commitment (such as I have in the past), it would seem they would be free and clear. But I’m just now noticing that our societal definition of “commitment” itself is laced with fear. Probably because it seems to be mandating a closing off to some (if not many) potential opportunities.

In the beginning of a relationship, if two people make a commitment because they are in love, so often, over time the love wears down and the commitment wears down, too. That is easy to see by viewing statistics on divorce in this day and age. And even if the couple does not choose divorce, the commitment often morphs into a mental choice—a resolve to stay committed.

I am proposing that true commitment is not a mental choice—not at any point. A pair of eyes showed me tonight what true commitment looks like. I saw that it is not something that comes from the mind, but from the heart. True commitment is a state of being, rather than a decision. And because of the source of true commitment, there are no limitations in the word—no restrictive implications.

When I think back to the questions I had in the beginning about commitment, I was fresh out of a relationship—one I felt very committed to. (I suppose in my new way of defining the word, that phrase is redundant. If one is truly committed, then “very committed” is superfluous.) But even though I felt “ready” for “commitment,” I exited the relationship and parted ways with the person I was committed to.

When we relationship-hop, claiming commitment in multiple relationships along the way, we are doing so from a version of the word that has the possibility of an end.

Regarding my ex, as I began to let go of attachment, I wondered if it was unhealthy to stay committed to someone I was not with. I wondered if the mental choice to stay committed was “right” or “wrong.” That is because by that time, the commitment was mental. It something I was trying to “have.” It was a thing I didn’t want to let go of. Or in other, more fun words, I totally “thingy-fied” the commitment.

Even if a relationship or friendship does end, one who has been living in a state of commitment does not have questions around the health of the continued state. That is because when the commitment is genuine, it adds to one’s life, giving flavor and depth to past and present. The beauty of the experience, of feeling and living in the committed state, brings awe. I am so grateful to the eyes that revealed this lesson to me tonight.

And so closely related to the topic of commitment, I am getting major lessons of what LOVE really is. Much like commitment, it allows for liberty. It also does not hinder. It provides freedom for flight, for exploration, for journeying, and holds space for individuality and independence.

For the first time ever, I feel love that is boundless and boundaryless.

I believe we all want the freedom to fall in love, and when our society’s version of commitment takes that away from us, we recoil from our loves, and contract in our lives. On Day 18 I recognized that I didn’t yet understand how to have the relationship I wanted in my future—a committed relationship that maintained a level of freedom similar to the freedom felt in open relationships. What I hadn’t yet learned was that my definition of love itself was still limited to something I had to protect myself from, thereby negating the possibility of experiencing love with freedom.

The love I have moved with over the past few nights is safe love. It is love without expectation or limitation. I am free to be me and safe to continue my path of celibacy, personal growth, and exploration of love in others.

So much gratitude goes out to the ones helping me break down my barriers and open up to allowing in real Love.

And on that note …






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